전공과제인데요. 에세이 첨삭해주실 분이 없어서 여기라도 올립니다 ㅠㅠ
주제는
what discovery in the last 100 years have been most beneficial for people in your country?
인데요.. 외국인 교수님이 두번째 paragraph(데모크라시 부분)은 good 이라고 하셨는데 세번째 paragraph 을 많이 혼나서
결국 다시 썼어요. 라이팅이 주관적이긴 하지만, 지금 제 라이팅을 봐주실만한 분을 찾습니다.
특히 organization, coherency 이런 부분에서요..
아니면 관사같은 문법적 오류라도 부탁드릴께요.. ㅠㅠ
two reasons why television has been most beneficial for people in korea
one of my friends once told me “television is the discovery that has been most beneficial for people in korea.” when i asked him why, he said “television has improved democracy in korea, and has made korean people feel united.” and i also agree with him. the reason why i think that television has been most beneficial for people in korea is that it has contributed to democracy in korea, and has helped korean people to become close-knit.
television has contributed to democracy in korea. the reason for this is that television delivers the political news to people. when korea was governed by dictators in 60s, 70s, and 80s, the news on the tv showed demonstrations against the dictatorships. those watching the news were influenced by the demonstrators on tv, so they joined the demonstrators, hoping for a change to a democratic government in korea. in this way, television was a catalyst, causing more people to fight for democracy, and each time the fight for democracy has been repeated, korea has become more democratic. therefore, people in korea now live in one of the most democratic countries in the world.
in addition, television has helped korean people to become close-knit. one reason for this is that in the past, everyone in village used to gather at the village hall and watched tv together. in 60s, 70s, tv was very expensive, so everyone in village collected money to buy one tv, and put it at the village hall. every night, all the villagers used to get together in the village hall to watch tv, and they all laughed and chat together while watching it. as gathering had been repeated every night, they met other villagers more often, so they got closer to each other. therefore, all the villagers felt that they became one family. the other reason is that korean people watch soccer games on tv together during the world cup season. every four years, people sit together in front of tv to cheer the korean soccer team in a soccer match with the other nation team. watching tv, they jeer at the opposite team together, and share the joy of victory together when korean team wins the game. likewise, television gathers people under the purpose of watching soccer game together during the world cup season, and the more frequently they cheer the korean team together, the more solidary they feel as one nation. therefore, korean people feel more united.
john logie baird, who invented the first color television, said “television will be most beneficial for people in the world”. this is applied to korean people, too. not only has television helped to cause democracy in korea, but also it has united people in korea. therefore, television has been most advantageous to people in kple in korea.
(words 479)
댓글 0
번호 | 제목 | 글쓴이 | 날짜 |
---|---|---|---|
157051 | 바꿔써도 무방할까요,.,? | sin | 2024.11.13 |
157050 | Help me ^.^ | 슬아라 | 2024.11.13 |
157049 | 수동태 의역 질문요 | 나길 | 2024.11.13 |
157048 | sort of | 은별 | 2024.11.13 |
157047 | too~to 구문에서 문장끝에 it을 쓸수업나요? | 이치코 | 2024.11.13 |
157046 | (고난도) 삽입구 와 아닌걸 어떻게 구별하죠? | 알렉산더 | 2024.11.13 |
157045 | seem 에 to 부정사를 같이 쓰지 않으면 틀린가요? | 나샘 | 2024.11.12 |
157044 | 시동스위치 배선 관련 질문입니다. | 맛깔손 | 2024.11.12 |
157043 | say와 tell의 차이점이 궁금합니다 | 미련곰탱이 | 2024.11.12 |
157042 | 부정대명사 문제 | 라 | 2024.11.12 |
157041 | 문장 구조 분석 좀 해주세요.. | 심플포텐 | 2024.11.12 |
157040 | 미래동사 해석 | 꼼지 | 2024.11.12 |
157039 | 문장구조와 해석 도움 부탁이요~~ | 월향 | 2024.11.12 |
157038 | 질문하나만 ㅜ할게요... | 정예 | 2024.11.12 |
157037 | 한가지 더 해봅니다 구어체인거 같은데 | 야미 | 2024.11.12 |
157036 | and로 명사를 나열할때요 | Orange | 2024.11.11 |
157035 | 브레이크 문의드립니다 | 연하얀 | 2024.11.11 |
157034 | holding back | 유진깡 | 2024.11.11 |
157033 | 질문드립니다..내장제 우드로 변경가능한가요? | 호시 | 2024.11.11 |
157032 | 해설좀. | 회사원 | 2024.11.11 |
157031 | 구문 분석좀 해주세요...ㅠㅠ | 유미 | 2024.11.11 |
157030 | 구형 센터페시아 신형으로 가능할까요? | 퐁당 | 2024.11.11 |
157029 | 번호판등 가는방법좀 알려주세요~~~ | Judicious | 2024.11.11 |
157028 | 사이드 글라스리피터 무빙과 고정 어느것이? | 염소자리 | 2024.11.11 |
157027 | 짧은 독해좀 부탁해요 모레 셤이라~ ㅠㅠ | 하나 | 2024.11.10 |
157026 | 수원 전자기어봉 | 다빈 | 2024.11.10 |
157025 | 질문 있어요( 초간단) | LetMeGo | 2024.11.10 |
157024 | before before before | 연체리 | 2024.11.10 |
157023 | 어떻게 해석해야 할까요? 도와주세요 | 튼튼 | 2024.11.10 |
157022 | 독해 부탁드려요.. 급.. | 당나귀 | 2024.11.10 |
157021 | As bad As It Gets 이게 이보다 나쁠 순 없다 이렇게 해석 할 수 있나요? | 밝음이 | 2024.11.10 |
157020 | 검정색차량 스마일등 빛투과량 질문입니다!!!ㅋㅋ | 겨울바람 | 2024.11.10 |
157019 | 질문이요ㅜㅜㅜ | 아서 | 2024.11.10 |
157018 | 이 한문장 어떻게 해석할까요? | 반혈 | 2024.11.09 |
157017 | ebs포스관련 질문 | 월식 | 2024.11.09 |
157016 | 바람 차단 방법 좀 가르쳐 주세요 | 과꽃 | 2024.11.09 |
157015 | 엘피아이 튜닝 몇가지 물어볼게요.. | 꽃내 | 2024.11.09 |
157014 | 관계사!!!!!!!! | 옆집언니야 | 2024.11.09 |
157013 | 문법적으로 맞는지 좀 봐주세요ㅜㅜ 도와주세요. | 가림새 | 2024.11.09 |
157012 | 자동사에 전치사사용대해.. | 조히 | 2024.11.09 |